I remember crying a lot when Jake was a baby, crying when we were at the hospital, crying when we would drive to and from the hospital, crying during the day when reality would sink in, crying in the middle of the night when it was only Jake and I awake. One particular time I was in the shower with the frustration of not being able to help him more, and realizing I may never be able to “fix him” I was overcome with sadness as the tears would not stop. But never in all of the years with Jake had I experienced such sadness and sorrow that has brought me trembling to my knees in the darkest hours of the nights as over the loss of Jake and not having him here with me. Even today 8 weeks after the death of Jake (I can barely type those words) the sorrow is so strong the emptiness so real – how, why must we endure such anguish.
There is a plan, Heavenly Father’s plan, the only plan we should strive to follow. I do not understand everything, I probably never will be able to understand the whole long term of events, but I KNOW he does! It causes me to have complete trust in Him and submission to His will. My torturing nights will get fewer and my days will be filled with something as time forces you forward. There will be happy days again, joy will come, no matter how much I fight it and don’t want to feel joy or anything else right now. My spirit will soften and find a way to let joy and happiness in. Otherwise I am damaging myself the Lord said: Moses 1:39 For behold, this is my work and my glory-to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. 2 Nephi 25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. I do know my Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ love me and want me to be happy and find joy. In my current state I cannot even fathom that thought, but I will try for my eternal progression and I know Jake would not want me to be this sad forever.
The only way I know to find a way back is trying with all the strength I have (it’s not much) to follow the gospel of Jesus Christ and serve others. Not until Jake was gone did I understand the service I was giving to him, but it was actually a gift and blessing to me by Jake allowing me to serve him.
Jake could have left sooner but he chose to stay. Not for him but for us our family, he gave us all of the memories and tools we would need to sustain us until we were together again. The big ones are the things we were able to do as a family, as a whole family. The time and love that were spent together from: making dinner and eating together, playing family games, making cookies, watching movies, playing soccer in the family room, living our every day lives were made special by him. Also the times we spent together at Lake Powell camping on the boat, enjoying Disneyland and Disneyworld together, going on a cruise, and traveling as much of the United States as possible. It was not the house we built for him, (that we had to leave), it was not what car we drove (even when it broke down) it is and always will be the
true love he gave us. Thank you Jake for teaching me, everyday you were here, you never needed to “be fixed” I DID!!
Jake was the perfect example in all our lives how to live each day. He also left with us some other tools to help us finish our journey. These life lessons taught to us by Jake will help everyone and show us all how to live our lives and carry on.
*Patience* there could never be a better example of patience than from Jake. Sitting and waiting to be fed or bathed or held or moved. And he never not once complained about his waiting he would just light up and give you a huge smile when it was his turn, every time. Also patience with what life trials he was asked to bare patience with a broken body that barely sustained life’s simple functions to live. And even at the end patience in death until his mom could let him go back to his Heavenly Father and accept and do His will. There will never be a better example of patience and the importance to know how to live it.
*Long Suffering* I know for sure Jake knew what his life was to be and yet he was eager and chose to come and live it! The pain that Jake felt every day he was alive is more than I believe I am capable of, or any grown strong man. Yes, Jake suffered but did not lose sight of his own plan of happiness with his time on earth. He did not let anything get in his way of living each day to the fullest. Jake’s example of long suffering can help us get through whatever we are asked to do or endure with a positive outlook!
*Forgiveness* Jake never held a grudge Jake was never angry Jake truly simply just loved everyone. He did not need to forgive anyone- can I say that? Can I live in a way that no matter what happens to me I will forgive. Jake could have been frustrated with many doctors who in trying to do their best made mistakes, but he truly just dealt with what he had to and made the best of it. Even me his mother that loved him more than anything because I am not perfect my own mistakes would take a toll on him. I was learning through this process with him and tried to do all I could- Jake gave forgiveness to everyone and showed us all how to forgive.
*Endurance* I know I have all ready told you Jake chose to stay, but it was not in wonderful circumstances. He did not have worldly possessions; he did not have even close to a perfect body or even a body that worked. Jake’s 2,593 days on earth or 62,239 hours he fought for every breath he made and every swallow he could muster. Yes, Jake endured to the end and he endured well. Can I say that? How often do I let the little things in life get to me when I take all that I have been given for granted? I don’t even think of breathing or swallowing it just happens for me- how many times a day does our Heavenly Father bless us by just making things happen for us? More than I know! Jake could have returned home easily when he was 3 months old and he would have accomplished all he needed to for eternal life, but look at the 7 years of service he gave to all of us by staying! Yes, Jake endured all things and did it well!
*Pure Love* I don’t think I know how to explain pure love, I myself did not know until I had experienced it myself. But Jake gave me pure love even the purest of love that our Savior Jesus Christ gave. When I was 14 years old I received my own Patriarchal Blessing in which the words say “You will be blessed in many ways as a wife and mother in Zion. You’ll be filled with the gift of love, that gift with which you will be able to love beyond your mortal abilities. You will be inspired and strengthened by that gift, even the gift of the pure love of Jesus Christ. You will thus have coursing through you His love and knowledge of it.” I did love beyond my mortal abilities and although I did not know it I was being prepared to be Jake’s mom and he opened my gift and taught me how to love. Oh, how my soul aches and wants’ to fill that love again. This I know whatever we are asked to do here on earth during our probationary time DO IT!! The pure love of Jesus Christ is indescribable with words but with feeling it will engulf you and lift with a light and love that will make you float off the ground. Thank you Jake for giving me a glimpse of what it will feel like to return to our Heavenly Father and feel our Saviors’ Love!
Jake's message is simple but powerful just how he lived his life “that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass”. Every day Jake had to climb huge mountains just to breathe, swallow and digest basic functions we all take for granted he worked everyday non stop till the day he did stop. By the simplest of these acts for us he made great things happen: what was it that drew people to Jake that everyone wanted to stop and caress his hand give a smile, give me a hug and say I must be so special it was not me it was him. He did not wear fine apparel, have a perfect body, wasn’t even that rich in a worldly sense. But his spirit touched anyone who came into contact with him; it made you want to be a better person and just being in his presence did make us all better. Learn to value the simple things as the savior did and through Him … He will make you great.
This is Jake’s message- PASS IT ON!!!
Be happy; enjoy life to its fullest by keeping all of God’s commandments and enjoying all the simplest beauties of this world he made for us to enjoy. Love one another by serving one another. Enjoy the small things because “by small and simple things, great things are brought to pass.” That sums it up, for Jake the smallest of things he was able to do were made great and marvelous! Jake’s headstone reads by small and simple things… May we never forget and promise to do better.
No comments:
Post a Comment